Drawing a Blank on “Drawing a Blank”

When was the last time your walked away from a discussion, only to think of The Perfect Comeback hours later? Recreate the scene for us, and use your winning line.

I know this has happened to me many times in my nearly 42 years, but I’m unable to come up with a good example. There are always moments in our lives where we wish we were wittier, quicker, more able to put that obnoxious person in their place.


I’ve noticed in my 6-year-old son a tendency towards dickish behavior. It’s his first year at public school after several years of homeschool, so of course I blame it on some of the coarser types at his small rural school. Wifely says I’m harder on him than I am our 10-year-old daughter. It’s likely that I am, but I have a special role in his life and that’s to do my best to help him be an admirable kind of man. I take it fairly seriously and appreciate the job that my own father did for me.

However, he is six, so I can’t in clear conscience tell him, “Don’t be a dick.” I asked Wifely the best alternative and “jerk” was about the most effective one that conveyed clearly that his actions, behavior or words were veering into dickish territory. We polled some friends and their alternative was “Don’t be a jackwagon.” *snort* What about you and your family? Do you have a good alternative to “Don’t be a dick.”?


All of this is to say, I’m not so sure that having that snappy response, that last word, is of the utmost importance. While I love his movies, life isn’t a Tarantino movie. Perhaps, I think that kindness, compassion and love wins the day.

By the way, I love Wil Wheaton and must give credit to him for reintroducing this phrase into my life by way of the Nerdist podcast. I also want to give Jeminabox credit for the art above. And, if you love Wil like I do, you’ll definitely want to celebrate his birthday and Don’t be a Dick Day.


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